I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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