There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
