well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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