well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
