You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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