I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
