then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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