when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
