I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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