you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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