Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
