I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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