Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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