The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I haven't been this sober since birth.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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