I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
