im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Found your dick twin last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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