ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont even know how to be here
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Couch. On fire.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
