dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
