Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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