You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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