Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
