Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
