i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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