Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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