I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
