I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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