We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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