You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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