My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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