He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize