it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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