dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
