Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
