He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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