My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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