so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Text me some of your sweat
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