All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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