Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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