she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
