While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
