So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
