Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just forgot I was standing up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
