I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it because I queefed?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
