You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
