Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
