what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
