Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
