I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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