When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
