The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
