he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
