I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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