Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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