I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
