I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
