everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
