I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
