Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
