the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
