What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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