I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
