the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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